{"id":624,"date":"2023-08-22T11:41:15","date_gmt":"2023-08-22T10:41:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/marrow.ie\/?p=624"},"modified":"2023-08-22T11:44:54","modified_gmt":"2023-08-22T10:44:54","slug":"the-problem-with-people-pleasing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/marrow.ie\/index.php\/2023\/08\/22\/the-problem-with-people-pleasing\/","title":{"rendered":"The Problem with People Pleasing"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

We all do it, it\u2019s human nature to try be considerate of others or to make others like us and so we act in ways to please others. But at what point is it no longer healthy? When does \u201cpeople pleasing\u201d come at a cost to your own happiness?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To act in a way that is kind, helpful or considerate of others is of course a wonderful trait. We all know people who are like this. But when we talk about \u201cpeople pleasing\u201d in the unhealthy sense, we\u2019re talking about when you prioritise the wants\/needs or demands of others above your own. For many it can be easy to know whether or not they feel like they are a people pleaser, others maybe aren\u2019t so sure. The below will help:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2043 Do you find you often or always say \u2018yes\u2019 to things, even when you don\u2019t particularly want to?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2043 Are you afraid that by saying \u2018no\u2019 you\u2019re letting people down or that they may be angry with you?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2043 Do you find yourself exhausted by constantly juggling additional tasks that others have asked of you?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2043 Do you feel a quiet resentment towards the people in your life because it feels like they asked too much of you?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2043 Are you overly worried about what others think of you?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2043 Do you feel like you\/your needs come second (or even last)?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If the above sounds painfully familiar you may be in \u2018people pleaser\u2019 territory. You may be thinking to yourself, \u201cSo what? Who cares if I put others first, isn\u2019t that a good thing?\u201d. Of course there are times in life when the needs or demands of others have to come before your own. After you\u2019ve had a baby, when a family member is seriously ill or injured, at times in work and when your partner or family member needs support through a difficult time. Of course these are all important considerations and in general being a thoughtful and considerate person is a positive however, when it becomes chronic it becomes a problem.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are always secondary to every and any request it has a severe and serious impact not only on your emotional and mental well-being. The dangers of people pleasing include anxiety, stress, depression, burnout, resentment of loved ones and even yourself. It all comes from the constant subversion of your own needs once and desires in favour of others. Breaking the cycle can be extremely difficult because after such an extended period of ignoring your own needs, it\u2019s very easy to become out of touch with what you truly want to do in any given moment. The inner dialogue then complicates it even more, \u201cI guess I don\u2019t mind doing that for her, maybe I\u2019m not really that busy\u201d, \u201cIf I say no to this they\u2019ll be so annoyed with me, I\u2019ll just say yes to avoid an argument\u201d, \u201cI can\u2019t let them down, they\u2019re depending on me\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In actual fact, it\u2019s completely alright to say no to requests sometimes. You don\u2019t have to have a million reasons to say no, it can simply be because you just don\u2019t feel like it and you don\u2019t owe an extensive explanation around it. Your needs matter just as much as others. Next time you\u2019re asked something that isn\u2019t a necessity, for example a friend doesn\u2019t feel like catching the bus and has asked you to drive them to the airport, and you don\u2019t want to do it, take yourself through the following to help avoid people pleasing:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2043 I am allowed to say no to a request.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2043 My needs are equally important.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2043 I don\u2019t have to have a million reasons why I can\u2019t do it, \u201cno I\u2019m sorry I can\u2019t\u201d is more than enough.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2043 I don\u2019t have to earn my rest.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2043 I am not responsible for other people\u2019s emotions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2043 If a friend, colleague or partner is truly that angry over me saying \u2018no\u2019 to a non-essential request (ie they have other options, it\u2019s not a high risk situation etc) then it is the relationship that needs to be evaluated not yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2043 As an easy test, ask yourself \u201cif they hadn\u2019t asked me to do this, would I feel obligated to offer?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Remember, learning to say no at first can feel awkward but it gets easier over time. Soon, with practice you will feel more comfortable and confident in prioritising yourself over others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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We all do it, it\u2019s human nature to try be considerate of others or to make others like us and so we act in ways to please others. But at what point is it no longer healthy? When does \u201cpeople pleasing\u201d come at a cost to your own happiness? To act in a way that […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":623,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[19],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-624","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-featured"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/marrow.ie\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/624","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/marrow.ie\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/marrow.ie\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marrow.ie\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marrow.ie\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=624"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/marrow.ie\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/624\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":625,"href":"https:\/\/marrow.ie\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/624\/revisions\/625"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marrow.ie\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/623"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/marrow.ie\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=624"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marrow.ie\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=624"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marrow.ie\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=624"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}